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Love, Bettina

 

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Memories

Bettina Banks

A post from May 20th

Is anyone starting to get really irritated with Facebook memories or is it just me? It was awesome to see all these old photos make a come back onto my timeline but 2 years ago today I was just reminded that my emotions were so toyed with... I was so fucked up in believing what others were doing behind my back was OKAY. And instead of having the support system from my loved one(s), I was kicked down ever harder. Who the hell wants to be reminded that they were kicked down to the ground multiple times? NO ONE.

I remember attending a function on this night 2 years ago today, faking a smile and breaking out into a cry of anxiety afterwards. 

I called a girlfriend prior to my breakdown for a quick pep talk and I remember that was giving myself a pep talk. "Hold your head up high Betty, it's okay, shit happens, deal with it. I remember being told, "You've put this upon yourself." - YES, I did put this upon myself. I chose to go to this event that bought me so much anxiety and I let it happen, I let my emotions get so fucked up and loose all control of my senses... 

So am I annoyed with these Facebook memory updates? Yes I am!
It brings flashbacks and emotions that I haven't felt in so long. And no... 
I'm actually starting to appreciate it. It's a nice gentle reminder that whatever I am doing now, that energy and that ball of fire brewing in my belly, my headstrong determination to do better, be better and find better is fuelled by these memories. 

2 years ago today, I reminded myself that "All it takes is one person to push your limits to make you realise, that there is nothing you can't handle."

2 years ago today, I reminded myself that there's seriously nothing I cannot handle. Anything that has been thrown my way and pushed my limits to breaking point, I am STILL HERE, STILL STANDING, STILL CALM AND CARRYING THE FUCK ON.

So whatever you're going though; those emotions that have put you into such dark place, the fear of not being good enough and the negativity from others. USE IT, use that energy to PROPEL yourself and FUEL yourself to MOVE FORWARD, MOVE ON and BUILD UP! 

To my awesome friends, if you need a pep talk. Call me. I'm always here to listen and hype you up afterwards. 

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